Trying Times

Would that it were possible to escape reality! Unfortunately it is not; God has not designed it so. Of course here I should not say unfortunately because God makes no mistakes... and yet from my limited perspective and at this point in time it surely feels unfortunate.

No matter how far one runs, no matter how one tries to escape, reality ultimately remains the same. And yet I want to run; I want to hide; I want to disappear... I cannot even begin to tell you how much I want to go home... and how good grad school begins to look (because it is far away from here). Yet regardless of whether I stay or go, reality remains the same; the circumstance from which I would be running remains the same... there is no escape. Jonah tried to escape, to run from reality... he succeeded, but only for three days (in most uncomfortable conditions) and he had to face reality once again. In the end there is truly no escape.

My heart is breaking (but before you all jump to conclusions and think that I had a boyfriend or an almost boyfriend or anything like that you are way off-base); my soul is burdened and heavy; tears flow freely. I am confused and disheartened. I want to go home... to flee... to escape...

Yet in the Lord remains my trust and my hope. He is my stronghold and my fortress. I will cling to Him and face what He has called me to face. I will turn over my trials, my concerns, my fears, my dreads, and my tears to Him in prayer. I will trust in His sovereignty and in His perfect plan. I will trust that He knows best even though I don't see how. I will choose to rely on Him and His wisdom even though I do not understand.

P.S. Please don't ask; I am not going to tell, not now anyway, maybe never. Just pray; God will understand. Thanks.