Saying Farewell

Precious memories, how they linger, how they ever flood my soul… in the stillness of the midnight…

As I sit here attempting to find words to write, my heart hurts - for miles and miles away with every passing moment, the ties that bind my grandmother to this world grow ever weaker and ever more tenuous. While Grandma is ready to go; it has been a rough couple of years for her since we lost Grandpa and while I certainly wouldn’t want her to linger on in her current state, it is so hard, so very hard to say goodbye.

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along the trail that's winding always upward
This troubled world is not my final home

Since the entrance of sin into the world, death is strangely intertwined with life. I just received a text from my aunt who informs me that the child of my cousin is not waiting until his due date to arrive and so my aunt and uncle are off to await that new arrival. So while one set of watchers will be awaiting a first intake of breath, the other set of watchers is waiting for a final exhale. And yet joy and sorrow are intertwined together for all.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
We should never be discouraged,
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.

(yes, I am deliberately blending all the verses together).

Last month (and I know it was last month because I was at Ag in the Classroom when I received notice) Grandma had a severe stroke; it is so hard to believe that it was only last month. Last week, her health rapidly deteriorated. I had been knitting a shawl for her – it was a complex and intricate pattern (because that is what I do) and therefore took a lot of time to finish. I am so grateful I was able to finish it just in time for my parents’ to take with them on their last-minute, unplanned trip, but I am so frustrated right now that I didn’t finish it so much sooner. “If” is a very dangerous word, but I cannot help but wonder, IF I had concentrated more deliberate focus… IF I had been more diligently persistent… Certainly, IF the pattern had not omitted a very important feature which ultimately resulted in me having to design the last (largest) pattern repeat to make the shawl large enough, or IF I had noticed said omission and selected a different pattern, I would have have finished six months ago – before she had her first stroke.

When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll,

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

“It is well, it is well, with my soul.”

I won’t get to say farewell to Grandma in person – I am too far away and I had organized my work schedule so that I could be there for some time in August. That seems ever so unlikely to be a possibility now; it is only a matter of time now – and most likely not very much time either. So I shall say goodbye from here; nay, not goodbye – only farewell, for I know we shall meet again one day.

I love you Grandma. Thank you for being a kind and caring grandmother. Thank you for a life well lived; though I shall miss you very, very much, I shall rejoice with you as well. And as time rapidly slips us by, I will see you again one day soon.

Blessed be the tie that binds; our hearts in Christian love
When we asunder part, it gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart, and hope to meet again.